Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
