The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
