billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
