I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
