just tell him i said nine months
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
