i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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