I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
