FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
