I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
