I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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