so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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