your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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