Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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