they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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