You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
