I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
