Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
