Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
