i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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