I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
