Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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