Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he thought i was a dude.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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