The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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