What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
