What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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