So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
