So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
