my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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