____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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