Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
