Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize