I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
