Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
