Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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