i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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