they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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