Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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