I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
