A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
