he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can I color on your dick again?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize