Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
