Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Apparently you make a good broom.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Randomize
