i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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