I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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