somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
