thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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