just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
