I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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