I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
