Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize