I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize