He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
