I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
