Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
