I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
