Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
