If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
