all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
