Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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