yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
