my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
