If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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