I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
