Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
