I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
